I don’t know where or who you are right now, or how you would define yourself to others. What I do know is you have a story - reasons and excuses as to why you are what you are. It is important to recognise and appreciate your journey to now, and it is those acts, occurrences or course of events which create your story to date. Your story matters. You matter.
For some of you, your past may have painful memories, others; turbulent, happy, fearful or maybe satisfying. Regardless of how your story began or where you are right now, this question is directed at you. Who are you becoming? The very question “who are you becoming?” implies that it is possible to reinvent yourself. So where and who you are now, can be transformed.
Many people when they are presented with this question “who are you becoming?” interpret it as; “who do you want to be?” and connect it with what they would like to earn, have or do. Indeed career choices and life decisions are often based on what individuals want to earn, have or do.
For me, it’s simple - how you live your life matters. This will be based on your core values. It is confronting to establish what your core values are and who you actually want to be as a person. That’s because once you have, you then have to establish how you conduct yourself and have the choice of making that the foundation for your life decisions or living with the consequences of not. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”. Now you can see why, how you live matters. A life of congruence in your words, your thoughts and your actions all in harmony, will give you inner and outer peace and happiness.
To live a congruent life, you must first accept yourself – your past self, your present self and your future self. Accepting yourself, recognising and appreciating that your past or present situation does not determine your future – but you do, because you have a choice. That there, is one of the most liberating experiences you will ever have. Taking control of your choices, puts you back in the driver’s seat for your life. For once you start seeing the choices you have control over, your will also see the opportunities and possibilities available to you. Envision your future self and intentionally live life with that end in mind. If you want to be a generous person, then give freely and willingly. You can’t fool yourself, you will know it and feel it. Just like when you do, your self-confidence rises as you physically see the person you want to become present. That is why it is good to set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) goals. However, you need to be committed to working towards them and they must matter to you. Without commitment and meaning any goals set will more than likely be a struggle to attain.
You also need to obtain the support you need; professional and relational. This will ensure you; receive counsel when needed, remain focused on your goals, reduce your fears and anxiety, remind you of who you want to be, reinforce who you are becoming and recognise the progress you have made. To gain this, it takes you being vulnerable and letting people in. Create a network of people who accept, support and champion you in who you choose to be, is valuable as you continue your story. It is natural for us to want to protect ourselves from failure, hurt, guilt and shame – but be careful that you don’t become isolated and start feeling; alone, invisible, that you can only trust yourselves or that you have to do it on your own. There will be some who do not want to support you, they will mock you and even try to deter you. You need environments and relationships that nurture you, and there will also be some who not only will support you but creatively enlarge your reach so that you can enable others to benefit.
That is why I strongly believe that how you live your life matters. That your story – past, present and future matters. Excitedly anticipate and commit to who you want to be, setting goals towards that. It may require varying amounts of courage and change, get support as needed.
Life is too short for internal conflict. Live your life congruent with your words, thoughts and actions, aligned to who you want to be. The person you are becoming. One day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time! Become.
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By Lisa Leonce - June 2020
